feedback: msnsc21[at]yahoo.com
Author: ML
Feedback: welcomed
Archiving: Just let me know.
Spoilers: Space. Yes, that's right: Space.
Disclaimer: Just dusting off the action figures. No
infringement intended.
Out There
By ML
I've come across some strange things in my career at NASA,
plenty of which are not explainable by any scientifically-
based system of understanding that we currently have. It's
no surprise that many astronauts turn to a belief system
also outside of scientific fact to deal with the enormity
of being one tiny speck in a vast, largely unexplained,
universe.
The ones that don't find their own peace with it end up like
Colonel Belt.
I've just tried to put that whole episode behind me. It was a
mistake to go to the FBI. Whatever the issue was, there was
nothing they did, or could have done, that made a difference.
Colonel Belt was a ticking time bomb. Who knows what he saw,
or thought he saw?
In the end, the official line made the most sense to me. I
believe in space exploration, and learning more about the
universe. As far as I'm concerned, Colonel Belt caused the
failures on the shuttle for some incomprehensible reason of
his own, and when he was found out, took the only way out he
could.
I can live with that answer, and so could the guys on the
shuttle. Once they were back and debriefed, no one wanted to
admit to having seen something outside the craft. The official
line is that the crew was suffering from oxygen deprivation, and
I was under too much strain to refute whatever they said they
saw. I can live with that.
Agent Mulder believes differently. I could see it in his eyes.
He had a pretty serious case of hero-worship where Colonel Belt
was concerned, and I don't think he wanted to believe there was
any psychosis in a man he revered. Agent Mulder also has a way
of viewing things that would not make friends for him at NASA.
And he was a little too friendly with me. I didn't think much
of it at the time, but later events made me think differently.
About a month after the incident with the shuttle, I was in
Washington for a budget hearing. Somehow, Agent Mulder found
out that I was in town. He called me up one night. It was
pretty obvious to me he was drunk.
After a very little small talk, he got right to the point.
"Whaddya say we meet up sometime?" he said.
"I don't think we have anything to talk about," I said.
"You don't know until you try," he said.
"I'm engaged you know," I reminded him. The whole point of
contacting the FBI in the first place was to save my fiance,
even though I put it in the larger context of saving the space
mission.
"I'm not looking for anything long term," he replied. "I jus'
wanted to talk."
"It seems like a long way to go for a one-night stand," I said,
trying to keep it light.
"Maybe it's not a one-night stand. Maybe it's something else."
I'm not sure where he got the idea that I'd be interested.
Other than those few days in Houston, we'd had no contact since
then. Granted, a lot happened during that short time, but all
explainable in the context of the situation. Now I wondered
about all the touching he did. Maybe I should have slapped him
when he grabbed me that day in Houston. It was surprising, but
I just thought that he was a particularly tactile person. I
noticed that he had a tendency to stand a little too close
sometimes.
"What about your partner?" I asked. "She's much closer
geographically. She seems to like you well enough."
Truth to tell, Agent Scully stayed very much in the background
in Houston while her partner was all over the map. We were too
busy for me to ever really talk to her, and Mr. Special Agent
Larger-Than-Life Mulder was sucking up all the air in the room,
most times. Maybe that's what it felt like in...
No. I'm not going there, not now, not ever. It was a fluke,
and whatever Belt did, he's gone now. And everyone else came back.
If Mulder replied to my last parry, I missed it during my little
detour into my worst nightmare. "Mulder? Did you say something?"
"No," he said.
"I asked you a question," I replied, not willing to let him off
the hook yet. And they say astronauts are arrogant.
"My partner?" He asked, as though his answers were on time-
delay. Maybe what I've heard is true, he really is "out there."
Silence.
"My partner isn't interested," he finally said.
My guess is that she's rebuffed him. It's hard to believe that
he hasn't come on to her. I suspect that's his usual modus
operandi.
"I thought we had something in common," he added. "That maybe
you were interested in extreme possibilities."
Oh, is that what they're calling it now? I don't want to know
what he's referring to. Since meeting him, I've heard rumors both
personal and professional about Fox Mulder, and if even half of
them are true...
"Agent Mulder," I said formally, "I really don't appreciate you
calling me this late, and I don't think it's a good idea for us
to meet under any circumstances."
His reply seemed very odd. "So they got to you, did they?
You're going to let them cover the whole thing up, just like it
never happened."
Now I'm really confused. "Nothing happened, Agent Mulder. We
shared a hug when the mission concluded successfully. No one
had to 'get to' me. I told you I'm engaged."
"That's not what I'm referring to," he said. "What do you take
me for? I've read the 'official' reports. No one will admit to
seeing what they saw outside the shuttle, will they? Not even you."
It's my turn to be silent now as I take in what he's saying.
He was just trying to use his charm to get something he wants.
It's just that what he wants isn't what most men want. I had
to laugh at myself and my oversized ego, even as I tried to
formulate a reply.
"Agent Mulder, Colonel Belt as much as confessed. You heard
him the same as I did. His talk about 'them' was a distancing
mechanism. It was all explained fully to me by his doctors."
He was silent for so long that I thought he'd hung up. Then he
said, "Just keep an eye on your fiance, and the rest of the shuttle
crew. It might take a while to manifest itself, but that entity had
to go somewhere, and I don't think it went home."
"I don't think it was E.T., either," I retorted. Who was he to
tell me what to do? "I think you've read too many science fiction
stories, Agent Mulder."
"Yes, and the latest work of fiction is the official shuttle
mission report," he shot back. "Just keep your eye on them, okay?
Next time whatever it is might be successful in preventing the
success of the mission."
"Thanks for the advice," I snapped, and hung up before he could
say more.
I don't believe what he said, not for a minute, but since then
I have kept an eye out for any aberrant behavior. Fortunately,
all the crew has rotated off the active roster for various reasons,
including my fiance. He complains about being a desk jockey, but
at least he's home every night now.
Still, I catch myself looking at him when his attention is
elsewhere. Damn Mulder for putting thoughts in my head, but
sometimes he just seems different in some way. A fleeting
expression, or something I can't quite define.
Maybe there's some truth to what Agent Mulder said, after all.
No, that can't be right. Everything's going to be fine.
-end-
Author's notes: As I watched "Space" tonight, I noticed how
familiar Mulder was with Michelle Generoo during the episode,
and thought there was a little story there. This is what resulted,
though it's not the story I thought I was going to write.
"Space" as an episode is all about squandered opportunities.
While I don't think it's the absolute worst ("Fight Club" gets my
vote there), it's in the top five. This little story is about one
avenue the episode could have taken.