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Distribution: Kimpa and Enigmatic Dr., always; Ephemeral,
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please just let me know and leave headers, email addy, etc.
attached. Thanks!
Spoilers: Agua Mala, Two Fathers/One Son
Rating: PG-13
Classification: Vignette
Keywords: Mulder/Scully UST
Summary: Bridging gaps and redefining partnership. A
conversation after Agua Mala and before Monday
Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine. They mostly belong
to the actors who portrayed them, but Chris Carter created them,
and Ten Thirteen and FOX own the rights. I mean no infringement,
and I'm not making any profit from them. But I am forever grateful
for their existence!
Author's note: this is the second in a series of stories showing
Mulder and Scully working through their differences after the
events of Two Fathers/One Son. The first story is "Sounding the
Depths."
I also offer a tip o' the hat to Carol, who manages to pique my
interest with her comments and observations about M & S, and was
kind enough to give this story the once-over. Thanks again!
=====
Interval
by ML
Dana Scully would not normally be in this part of town, unless
she was on a case. She wasn't afraid, just cautious. And really,
there was nothing here that she'd want, generally speaking. She
sidestepped the trash blowing across the sidewalk and opened the
door to a promising shop. This one had a cardboard alien mask in
the grimy, flyspecked window. It looked gray, though perhaps it
was just faded from the sun. Surely the sun must shine in this
part of town sometimes. Just not today.
In a moment she was back on the sidewalk. No luck. She stood
outside the shop and reviewed her options. She was tired and a
bit out of sorts. She hadn't really planned to spend her whole
Saturday doing this. She'd tried the most obvious place,
absolutely certain that she'd find what she sought there. Four
tries later, it appeared she was doomed to failure.
As of Monday, she and Mulder would be reinstated to the X Files.
Scully had wanted to get something to commemorate the occasion.
She'd come down to the shop where Mulder had gotten his "I Want
to Believe" poster to get a replacement for him, but evidently
they were out of them, and had no clues as to where she might
find another.
If she'd thought of it sooner, she might have looked on the
Internet and gotten one in time for their first day back. But
until recently, they'd had no idea they'd be getting the X Files
back. Scully hadn't even been sure she'd ever work with Mulder
again. She wasn't even sure if they could.
Now they'd just gotten back from working a case together. An
unofficial one, to be sure, but it had given Scully some hope
for the future. Neither of them had said anything directly.
Mulder hadn't apologized, and Scully hadn't either. Neither of
them had yet referred to any of the events that had driven them
apart. But Mulder, in his way, had offered the olive branch.
Scully felt it was important to make a reciprocal gesture.
She'd blown the whole idea out of proportion, but it was important
to her to show Mulder that she was ready and willing to work with
him again, despite the difficult year they'd had. It was a gesture,
to be sure, but they'd been at odds for so long, and she didn't want
to be. There were some things on which they'd have to agree to
disagree, but they'd managed to do so in the past.
Her most fervent hope was that the subject of their worst
disagreement was resolved. Diana Fowley appeared to have been
discredited, at least in the eyes of officialdom. She wasn't as
sure that Mulder felt that way, but at the very least Scully hoped
that they could move on. She would always harbor suspicions about
the other agent. All she could hope for was that she'd opened
Mulder's eyes to the possibility that she wasn't what she seemed
to him.
She felt dirty just standing on the sidewalk here. She got a
number of sidelong glances from the few passersby. Once she
heard a muttered "hey baby" from some punk, but she ignored him
and he went on his way. She wasn't here on official business,
though she had her badge and her gun -- and carried herself in
such a way that no one in his right mind would mess with her.
Even dressed casually, a stranger would think twice about
approaching her with evil intent. Nonetheless, Scully felt the
absence of Mulder. She knew she could take care of herself, and
she wasn't afraid, but Mulder's presence at her side gave her an
added confidence.
She walked rapidly past the bars, the rundown hotels, head shops,
and adult bookstores, intent on getting home and washing the grime
off. On the other side of the street, she noticed a seen-better-
days theater and glanced up at the marquee. "Deep and Deeper,"
said one side, and "Babes: Big in the City" on the other. She
rolled her eyes. She half expected to see Mulder standing there,
reading the movie posters.
Just then, the door opened from the lobby and Mulder appeared,
looking up and down the street for someone or something. Surely
not for her. She had her cell phone with her, but she hadn't
gotten a call all afternoon. She didn't want Mulder to see her.
He might think she followed him, and nothing could be further from
the truth. But before she could make any kind of move, Mulder
spotted her. He raised his hand in greeting and loped across
the street to her.
"Hey Scully," he said easily. "You weren't following me, were
you?"
Scully blushed. "Of course not, Mulder," she said, more sharply
than she intended.
Mulder shrugged. "Okay. I mean, it's okay if you were, though I
would have invited you if I thought you wanted to come. I got
someone else to come along, so don't worry, I had backup."
Scully didn't like the sound of that at all. Had he called Diana
when she'd told him she was busy today? Would she always be
waiting in the wings, ready to leap in at a moment's notice?
Maybe she'd happened to be there when Mulder got the call and
offered to go along. Happened to be there, in his apartment
perhaps.
Unwelcome thoughts. Unworthy thoughts. Scully shook them away
and tried to concentrate on what Mulder was saying.
"Did you need me for something? I thought you were busy today,"
he said.
"I am. I was. I'm done now," Scully said. As usual, she couldn't
think fast enough to come up with any kind of plausible excuse.
"I'm going home. Do you need a ride?"
Maybe he already had a ride. Maybe he'd come out front to wait
for Diana. Oh, Jesus. Would that woman haunt her for the rest
of her days?
"Not so fast, Scully," Mulder said. "What *are* you doing down
here? Have you developed a taste for porn all of a sudden? Have
you been down here before?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her.
"Just once," Scully said. She decided to tell at least part of
the truth. Maybe Mulder would let it go at that. "I wanted to
get a poster like yours for someone."
"Oh yeah. That guy in Maine, right?" Mulder looked at her
assessingly. "So that's what you were down here for?"
"Yes, that's right," Scully said. She mentally breathed a sigh
of relief, but it was too soon.
"But what are you doing down here today?" Mulder persisted.
"Nothing worth reporting. It didn't pan out anyway."
"Were you following up on a lead? Are you moonlighting with
Violent Crimes again, Scully?" Mulder asked with feigned
jealousy. "Are you holding out on me? C'mon, share. I'll
tell you what I was doing," he said with a leer.
Scully just raised her eyebrows in reply.
"It's not what you think," he said a little defensively. "I
know the guy who runs the movie house and he had some info for
me."
"It's okay, Mulder. It doesn't matter why you're down here.
It's none of my business. I'm sorry if you thought I was
following you." The last thing she wanted was for him to think
she was checking up on him. She turned away.
"Maybe it is your business," Mulder said, putting his hand on her
arm. "Maybe I should explain why I didn't come down here for the
reason you think. Why I haven't for quite some time."
Scully went cold inside. She wasn't sure that this was something
she wanted to hear. "Mulder, what you do in your off hours is
your business. You don't have to explain yourself to me."
"But I want to," he insisted. "Ask me why I watch the movies I
watch. I've never really made a secret of it, have I?"
"Mulder, we don't have to talk about this," Scully protested.
"I think we do," Mulder said. "These aren't the ideal
circumstances, but there's no time like the present. In fact,
I'd say the timing is as good as it's gonna get. So, answer
my question."
"I'm not a psychiatrist, Mulder. I can't speak to reasons and
motivations."
"So pick an obvious one. It'll probably be right," Mulder
said.
This was embarrassing. She'd never had a problem with Mulder's
porn habit, she'd even teased him gently about it from time to
time. But with him pressing the issue, she felt uncomfortable.
It was more information than she wanted, especially if it was
heading where she thought it was heading. She wasn't a
psychiatrist, but she knew sublimation when she saw it.
"I suppose because you like them," Scully says. "They fulfill
a need, like romance novels for women. A -- a substitute,
perhaps." She was an adult, she shouldn't feel so uncomfortable
discussing this. But this was Mulder, and it wasn't a casual
conversation. Mulder was asking his questions with some purpose
in mind.
"They used to fill a need," Mulder said. "Not so much anymore."
The wind picked up again and blew a plastic bag against Scully's
feet. She shuddered and kicked it away before responding to
Mulder's expectant silence. "You don't need them any more,"
she said. Mulder nodded. "Or they just aren't enough any
more?"
"That's not really it. But things change. Interests
change ... sometimes, circumstances change. Or you have
hope that they'll change, anyway. I don't wanna get ahead
of myself."
Scully felt a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. "You
mean --" she started and faltered. Her mouth and lips felt
dry. She didn't want to hear about the change in circumstances.
She could guess but she didn't want to do that, either. "What
do you mean?" she asked instead. All the misery she'd felt
for the past several months came back full force. Just when
she'd thought they were getting back on track, something --
or someone -- came along to derail them again. She thought
she knew who, but she couldn't even bear to think the name.
Mulder was looking at her with concern. "I don't want to
upset you, or for you to take this the wrong way, Scully.
I've tried to find a way to tell you, but somehow the time
was never right."
Oh Mulder. Scully felt her heart rate increase and her stomach
roiled. She gritted her teeth and made her eyes meet Mulder's.
"I can't tell you here, out on the street like this. Come on,"
Mulder said abruptly, and grabbed her hand. "Where are you
parked?"
"Around the corner," Scully managed to get out. "What about
you?"
"I got a ride down here. I was gonna take a cab home. I don't
like to leave my car down here, and neither should you."
"B-but I thought you said someone came down here with you!"
"Yeah, and he decided to stay and catch the double feature.
But don't tell him I told you. He'd kill me."
Now Scully was really confused. "Who came down here with you?"
"Frohike, of course. I think he thought you'd be here, too.
I let him think it, anyway." Mulder grinned.
She hadn't realized that her heart had stopped momentarily until
she felt a thud in her chest, and the blood rose to her face.
Mulder was walking a little behind her, his hand at her back,
and she was thankful that he couldn't see her face.
They got to the car, and even though it was Scully's, she gave
Mulder the keys. Her legs were shaking.
Mulder drove them away from the seedy streets and along some
slightly less seedy ones, parking the car in an alley.
He turned in his seat to face Scully. "Okay, where was I?"
"You were talking about porn movies," Scully said softly.
"Not exactly," Mulder said. "I'm sorry, these still aren't the
ideal conditions, but I'm afraid if I wait for the right time,
it's never gonna happen. We start back on the X Files Monday,
Scully, and I know what will happen. We'll go on assignments,
we'll get busy, and everything will go back to normal. Except
that it isn't normal, and it shouldn't be normal. Things have
changed between us, and we need to address it now, before we get
back into the same old rut."
Scully looked at him a little defiantly. "What do you want me
to say, Mulder? That I'm sorry for checking up on Agent Fowley?
I *am* sorry for the way it hurt you, but --"
"This has nothing to do with her. I wish you could forget about
her," Mulder said. "That's what I'm trying to do."
"Really?" Scully asked.
"Really," Mulder replied. "That's not what I wanted to talk
about."
The silence stretched out between them. Mulder picked at a spot
on the steering wheel. Scully watched him.
Finally, Mulder said, "Oh hell, I'm just gonna say it. The
reason I don't care about those videos and movies and things
any more is you. Just you. I couldn't watch that crap anymore
because of you."
"Mulder, I've never said I disapproved, I never --"
Mulder held up his hand. "I didn't say you did, and I hope you
won't take this the wrong way, but that stuff has lost its appeal.
I say it's you, because what I look forward to is seeing you every
day. Your face, your smile, hearing your voice. I won't say that
I haven't hoped for more one day, but the reality of you in my
life is better than any fantasy. Better than any half-dozen
fantasies."
Scully didn't say anything. She stared at her fingers twisting
in her lap. What was he saying? That she was his fantasy now?
She wasn't sure.
"Hey Scully," Mulder said quietly. "If you're gonna turn me
down I wish you'd do it and end the suspense."
Scully did look up at him then. "I guess I don't know what
you're offering," she said.
Mulder touched her hand, just briefly, and then withdrew it
again. "Me," he said simply. "Such as I am. Warts and all."
He laughed softly, but it wasn't a very happy laugh. "I dunno,
I kind of had an idea that maybe you felt the same way toward me.
Bad timing on my part. I've been thinking about this for a long
time, and a lot more lately. When I saw you across the street
this afternoon, it was like a sign or something." He rubbed his
hands over his face and through his hair. "Guess I was wrong
though, huh?"
She hadn't expected this. She'd thought, a diffident and awkward
apology, maybe. But a declaration? A declaration of what? That
he needed her, yes, he'd said that before. But this was something
more than that.
That he wanted her? More than as a partner, or as a friend?
Could she be interpreting his words correctly?
It was too much to take in. She was still working her way back
to partnership and friendship. She wasn't sure she had more to
offer than that. Or that Mulder wasn't offering this in
desperation, as he'd seemed to do once before.
But if she was truly honest with herself, she did want this.
She wanted everything Mulder seemed to be offering to her.
She'd wanted it for a long time, no matter how much she
pretended otherwise.
Scully turned her back toward the car door so she could face
Mulder. He was staring straight ahead, his hands gripping
the wheel like they were moving forward and he had to pay
attention to the road. He needed something from her. This
was her chance to make the reciprocal gesture, if she was
brave enough.
They'd been stalled for a long time. She could see that now,
and that they shared the blame equally. They were both always
so sure that their way was the right way, and everyone else was
wrong.
Maybe, though, it was only when they worked together that they
were right. Maybe once they were working together again, the
other things would work out, too.
"Mulder," she said, and he turned toward her. His eyes looked
wary and hurt, and she couldn't stand that. "I should tell you
why I was down here today."
He didn't say anything, but she saw the spark of hope ignite
deep in his eyes. He waited for her to speak again.
"I was looking for the poster. The poster for *our* office,"
she said. "'I Want to Believe,'" she enunciated slowly, so
that he understood it wasn't only the poster she referred to.
A slow smile started taking over his face. He held his arms out
to her and said softly, "c'mere, Scully."
She went. As well as they could in the car, they embraced.
Mulder buried his nose in her neck, and she pressed her lips
against his throat, feeling the pulse there. He nudged his
way up her chin and she felt his mouth questing over her skin.
Oh God, was he going to kiss her? Scully wasn't sure if she
was ready for this.
She'd watched his mouth for years, speaking, eating, pursed in
thought. She'd even seen him kissing other women, more than
once. Maybe even as far back as the first time she'd seen him
with someone else, she'd put herself in that place and wondered
what his mouth would feel like on hers. In his sultry hallway
last summer, she'd anticipated it, even welcomed it.
Now she knew that nothing she'd ever imagined, or even felt from
other lips, could compare even remotely to this. His mouth was
warm and moist and his lips were soft and pliant. He moved his
mouth on hers slowly back and forth, pausing to nibble at her
bottom lip and then pressing his full mouth against hers.
She reciprocated, suckling his lower lip. For the moment, she
had no doubts, no fears. She just let herself feel.
Scully's hands had moved up to Mulder's shoulders and then cradled
his head as he kissed her. She parted her lips to him, letting
his tongue steal past to explore her more fully. His arms
tightened around her, pulling her close to his chest. She
could feel the pounding of his heart.
Then she heard the tapping on the glass and they sprung apart.
There was a cop at Mulder's window, and now she could see the
prowler with its flashing lights behind them in the alley.
Mulder rolled down his window and said to the cop, "We're FBI.
I'm going to reach into my coat pocket and get my badge, okay?"
The cop nodded. He glanced at Mulder's badge and then gestured
for Scully's ID. She flipped it open and passed it to Mulder.
The cop studied them for a moment. "What are you doing here?"
Maybe he hadn't seen them. Mulder said, "We're staking out
that building over there."
"Uh huh," said the cop. He handed back their IDs. "Got a piece
of advice for you," he said to Mulder. He leaned down to speak
softly in Mulder's ear but Scully could hear him anyway. "Get a
room," he said. "This is no place to take a lady." He chuckled,
clapping Mulder on the shoulder before he lumbered away.
"I'm sorry, Scully," Mulder said when the cop had gone. "That's
just what I wanted to avoid for us."
"I'm as much to blame," Scully said. "I didn't try and stop you,
did I? Though maybe I should have." She licked her lips and
they tasted like Mulder. But she couldn't let herself enjoy it.
Not now.
Mulder groaned. "Don't tell me you didn't want it. I won't
believe you."
Scully touched his hand, and he turned his palm up to grasp
hers. "That's not it. But a week ago, we were barely speaking
to each other. I need a little time, we both need a little time,
to adjust to being partners again."
"Fair enough," he said, and his expression lightened a little.
But you do admit to the possibility, right? That there's more
than a partnership here?"
"I've believed in more extreme possibilities than that, Mulder,"
she said. "But it's not more than a partnership, it's just more
partnership. Both equally committed to the same goal."
"You're taking quite a risk, using that word `commitment' around
a guy," he teased. It was nice that he could joke again. Scully,
however, still felt like she was standing on quicksand.
"What do we do now?" she asked softly, more to herself than to
Mulder.
He heard her, and he smiled in such a way that she felt a
fluttering in her stomach -- quite different than the sick
feeling she'd felt earlier.
"It's probably just as well he came by when he did," Mulder
said, referring to the cop. "No telling what might have
happened otherwise."
"Hm," Scully said noncommittally. "No telling." Somehow her
hand was still enclosed in Mulder's. He gave it a squeeze and
let it go.
"I'll drive to my place and then," he said with a touch of regret,
"you can drive home from there. I still have some stuff to do
for Skinner's meeting Monday morning."
There'd been a message for each of them when they'd gotten back
from Florida. Their first full day back was filled with
meetings.
"Great way to start our first week back, huh?" Mulder asked.
"Don't you even try to get out of it," Scully warned him. "If
I have to go, you have to go." About the work, she was on surer
ground. Anything else, well, she'd wait and see.
"Of course, Partner," Mulder said, inflecting the word with many
shades of meaning.
end.
stay tuned: more to come!